partypartyparty

I PASSED THE BAR!

it's not pee!

I love how my cat will disappear for a while and then come back strangely wet all over his body. How does this happen? At first, I was afraid that he had somehow managed to roll around in his pee. Thankfully, that's not the case. He just likes to use his water bowl like a bird bath. What a freak.

I've been having some bizarre dreams lately. I don't know what could've brought them on, because I've just been watching Ken Burns documentaries and taking pictures of my clothes. (Btw, that wardrobe project is taking longer than I thought. I've taken around 700 pictures and I'm still not done. Jesus, I have a lot of clothes.)

Boots just sleep farted. Right next to me on the bed. Unpleasant. I know dog farts are supposed to be bad, but his little kitten toots are fucking rank. I think it's the wet food. One time, I was lying down in bed and he walked over my chest, and I happened to see his butthole right when he farted in my face. It winked at me. Then came the awful odor, like he'd taken a tiny little shit right under my nose. It lingered. Disgusting.

Anyway, about the dreams. The other night, I had a dream that the world was going to end, so Ashley, Bobby, and I (along with some dream randos) were going to kill ourselves by jumping off a cliff in advance of the apocalypse. We were lining up to go, and Ashley and Bobby went, and I was next, but I wanted to call my Mom first. So I called, but it went to voicemail, and I thought, "I can't jump without talking to my Mom!" So I didn't jump, and the world didn't end. Then I felt bad that I didn't talk Ashley and Bobby out of it.

This morning, I woke up to a freaky mini-dream during the time between snooze alarms. It felt like it was set in the late-70s/early-80s. I drove up to this old ranch-style house and came up to this big, wooden front door that had a ton of locks and one of those sliding "what's the password?" peep-doors. I finally opened the door and walked in the foyer, which had dark wood panelling, and in front of me, there was another door (also locked) that presumably led to the rest of the house. To the right, there was a staircase leading to a basement, and I could see another door at the bottom (also locked), but this door was shaking in its frame, clearly being pushed against. Then there was this voice-over narration, like the whole scene was in a movie or something: "It took the twins three hours to escape." I immediately realized that I needed to GTFO, because "the twins" were behind that door and I knew they were going to kill me if they got to me. I tried to lock the front door again, but it wasn't working because I was freaking out, so I ran back to my car and tried to start the car, but I was fumbling with the keys and couldn't get the right key in the ignition. I turned around and there were these two girls, around 11 years old, wearing blue dresses, running toward the driver's side of the car. (Evil children really disturb me.) It was then that I had the horrible realization that my car had manual locks and all the doors were unlocked. And then I woke up.

I just discovered Wilfred on FX tonight. Favorite line: "Put your lipstick back in its case, Romeo." Get it? LIKE A DOG PENIS!

notes to self

1. Don't go for a run with a stomach full of Krystals, even if you ate them several hours before. You might die.

2. Don't go for a run on an empty stomach at noon when it's sunny and hot. You might die.

new project!

Ever since I saw Cher's closet computer in Clueless back in the mid-1990s, I have wanted a digital closet. Apparently, we now have the technology to do that. So I'm going to spend most of my time this week to photographing my clothes and creating a digital wardrobe. I am incomprehensibly excited about this.

I think I'm going to use the Closet Couture website to do this, but I'm going to shop around a bit more.

SO EXCITED.

trip to the 'boro

Yesterday (Saturday), I went to visit Kelsey in Statesboro. Kelsey is one of my oldest friends, from pre-K, which is now 23? years ago. Amazing. I'm surprised someone could tolerate me for that long. Anyway, I think it was the first time I've seen her since I was in her wedding over two years ago. That's ridiculous, but I think it's right.

I, of course, was running late. For some reason, I thought it would only take 35 minutes to get to her house from mine. I now know that assumption was incorrect. For future reference, it's more like 45-50, depending on how many slow assholes you get stuck behind.

We had a tasty lunch at El Sombrero. I prefer El Ranchito above all other Mexican restaurants, but this was decent enough. We discussed our displeasure regarding our upcoming 10-year high school reunion. The planners have decided to have it on a river boat cruise in Savannah. And there's going to be a cash bar. So not only do I have to pay for booze, but I will also have to jump overboard and swim to shore if it turns out to be super lame. THERE IS NO ESCAPE ON A BOAT, YOU JERKS. But we're both going to go to see who's gotten fat (my words) and who is "wildly unsuccessful" (hers).

Then we took a trip to the Statesboro mall, which has the unfortunate distinction of being a worse mall than Fashion Square in Cville. This might be the worst mall in the developed world. I bet there are better places to shop in African shantytowns. Here's the directory, to give you a better idea of what a shithole this mall [sic] is. (First clue: There's a Bi-Lo attached.) Miraculously, Kelsey was able to find what she was looking for at Penney's.

We swung by Starbucks and a pumpkin patch and then went back to her house, where husband Grant was watching sad events transpire in the world of ACC football. I met her pretty but aloof cat and we switched back and forth between football and Halloween Cake Wars on the Food Network.

I love Kelsey, and I'm glad she married Grant. And I hope they have babies soon, even though it may make me feel like a failure at life. But I think they're a great couple and I hope they move back to the 'Ham before I leave. Because Statesboro fucking sucks.

for science!

As I posted earlier, I now have a kitten. His name is Boots. This is him, as of today.

I've never had a cat to raise from scratch before, so I'm determined to get it as right as possible. I'm particularly focused on not letting him get fat, since I'm convinced that's what led to Soot's early demise. But since he's a growing boy, he does need to eat a lot.

While I had only been giving him dry food for his first month with us, after I saw how much he enjoyed his post-vet good-boy wet food treat, I decided to add canned food to his diet. But which canned food to go with?? I don't know if you have been to Petsmart lately, but the selection for cat food is pretty extensive. To determine which brand/flavor of kitten food to buy for his first year of meals, I turned to science. (Also known as kitty taste tests.)

I have bought one can of every flavor of kitten food offered by every brand available at Petsmart. I've made a list (from least to most expensive, and it's actually a spreadsheet), and I'm making a note of how much Boots likes or dislikes each one on an ABC scale.

So far, Boots has not been a terribly picky eater. He likes the fish flavors the best, followed by turkey. Chicken and liver (a very popular flavor for kitten food, much to my amazement) has been met with mixed reviews. He is a huge fan of the Nutro Natural Choice brand, and pretty much inhaled both cans of that.

I went back to Petsmart today and picked up a few more cans from brands that I missed the first time around. Most of them are the fancy (expensive), allegedly super-healthy, no-grain, all-meat, no by-products brands. I wonder if he will find these super delicious, or if he will be like me and turn up his nose at healthy food. I should know within the next few days, since he goes through about a can and a half a day, and there are only 10 cans left to test. I can't wait to get my results!

hey lady, get off the phone!

I really hate when people don't get off their phones when they're at a cash register. That shit is straight-up rude, and I'm watching this lady do just that at Dillard's right now. Wait, now she's wandered off, so the lady is ringing up her stuff and swiping her card for her because she's such a fucking Jabberwocky.

RUDE.

This is why I can't work in retail. I wouldn't be able to put up with all these inconsiderate jackasses.

GODDOMOT FRONK

Yet again, I have been terrible about keeping this thing updated. I was prompted to start up again by reading some of my old LiveJournal entries (from March 2005 to June 2006, to be exact). Good times, back when I was in fairly easy school and stayed up until 5am. Although some of the earlier entries from when I was really into political blogs are kind of annoying. I much prefer the updates on my life/celebrity gossip posts.

So what's happened since I last posted? Hmmm.

• Went to visit Ali and Josh in ABQ and Lauren in Durango for Spring Break. ABQ is nothing to write home about (thus the lack of writing about it), but I went to visit the people, not the place. Also, I thought I was going to have to have my feet amputated from frostbite after taking the tram up the mountain. Fortunately, I won't have to visit ABQ again, because they're moving back to Georgia! "Yay!" doesn't begin to describe my happiness about it. Durango is beautiful and I discovered a newfound love of caramel apples there. Plus, we went to a hot spring! It was truly delightful.
• Last Libel Show as a performer. Being a band director was effing hard. I haven't felt the same about "All of the Lights" since then.
• Thought a guy liked me, and I was totally psyched about it, but it turned out to be a friendzone situation. Feels bad, man. I'm over it now, but aasdfdfhja;f; my life sucks sometimes.
• Graduated from law school! Hooray! I have a J.D. now. I still feel stupid.
• Studied for and took the New York Bar Exam. Studying for it sucked donkey balls, taking it was almost worse. I won't find out whether I passed for a few more weeks, but I hope to Gee-Whiz I do, because I don't want to have to take that test again. I would rather take 50 LSATs instead. (However, I am thinking of taking the Georgia Bar, or possibly another state, next year, because I want a job.)
• Said my goodbyes to my dear friends (well, most of them ::side-eye::) and came back home to Springfield. Thought I was going to have to move out the first week because I hate the man who lives here so fucking much, but once I realized I don't have to speak to him or be in the same room with him, it got easier.
• Acquired a kitten! Technically, my father got the kitten from somebody, but aside from that, he's totally my kitten. His name is Boots and he is wonderful. It's really like having a baby. That's how much I love him. As a bonus, he doesn't talk and scream like a child. He's currently sleeping on my pillow and otherwise being adorbs.
• Applied for a bunch of jobs, and thus far haven't gotten one. I do have a tiny foot in the door for a position at the FBI, but it's a long-shot, so I don't want to jinx it. But goddamn would that be awesome. Because being unemployed with nothing to do but look for jobs is driving me crazy. I need structure!
• Went with Michelle to Orlando for a long weekend and bummed around. Had pool time and drank a whole bottle of wine. I also discovered how tasty Walmart's frozen pizzas are. Seriously. You should try one.
• Started running. Yes, yes, I know, I said I would never run unless somebody was chasing me down and trying to kill me, but I did. I'm doing the Couch to 5K program (and as of today, I'm on Week 6, Workout 2). So far it's going pretty well. I got some excellent running shoes from Fleet Feet Sports in Savannah (free plug!), and I've been going to this little track around a pond near my house. Mama comes too, but she just walks. I'm not experiencing a runner's high or anything like that, but I know I'm doing something that's good for me, so that kind of makes up for it.
• Had a wonderful visit from Laura! She drove all the way down here and all the way back just to spend like three days with me, if that long. I hadn't seen her since graduation (because she left for her great Alaskan adventure the next day and didn't get back in town until after I'd left), so it was a warm reunion. I think the only misstep was going to see Drive. Yikes. I love some RGos, but that shit was foul. Yes, I know it's "artsy" and "indie" and whatever, but I hated it. Barf.
• Went to a family reunion for the first time since probably high school or early college. I immediately regretted my decision to go as soon as we pulled up, but it was too late by then. It was at the American Legion hall somewhere near Walterboro, SC, which, for those of you who don't know, is in the deep country wastelands of that state. So much cotton everywhere. The food was good, and some of the company entertaining, but there were a lot of people that I would never associate with outside of that relatively controlled setting. One relation was "allegedly" a crackhead who was missing 5-6 of his top front teeth. Another branch of the family is downright hideous. (IMHO, I was the best looking person there, and that's saying something.) Several others were straight up white trash. At least there wasn't an open bar (although my Aunt Tina did bring a water bottle full of vodka to dull the pain).
• My phone died and I went through an epic saga with Verizon trying to get a replacement. Three separate orders were placed (with the first two supposedly cancelled), and all three were delivered today, about a week and a half after my phone went kaput. I got one that works and have been caring for it very gently ever since. I think I did fairly well living without a cell phone for that long, since I didn't go crazy without it, but I did feel very disconnected. Technology, what have you done????

I think that just about sums it up. Most of the summer was spent in a miserable bar-related funk, so it's probably for the best that I didn't post about that. 

In the coming weeks, I will have my bar results (hopefully with good news), my BIRTHDAY!, and a visit from Laura AND Ashley. It would be awesome if somewhere in there was a job offer, but I'm not holding my breath. But I will try to post even on my boring days, because it's fun to look back on those. If I have exciting days, I'll make a note about those, too.

these dreams

I've been having some weird dreams lately. In one, I was chased (and subsequently caught) by a bear. I got a nasty scratch on my arm and was surprised that I didn't have my throat ripped out. Thank heaven for small miracles?

Then I had a dream within a dream (omg Inception) that made me wake up in a panic. So I'm going to Albuquerque to visit Ali for spring break (and then to Durango to see Lauren), but in my dream (Level 2), my plans had somehow changed such that I no longer had a direct flight from Dulles but was instead going through Minneapolis (and apparently to Alaska). Naturally, I neglected to pack anything, so I had to go around the airport buying all my stuff. Fortunately, there was a Uniqlo in the airport. (Ikr?) And I was traveling with this middle-aged guy and his five friends; I have no idea who any of them were, but I was relying on them to help me make my flight. At some point I woke up (into Level 1), thinking it was the Saturday after the day I was supposed to have left, and that the dream (from Level 2) had tricked me into thinking my plans had changed when they really hadn't, so I'd missed my flight. I spent the rest of the dream frantically calling United trying to get to Albuquerque. Then I woke up (in reality), all pissed at myself for about 10 seconds until I realized that my flight wasn't for another week. Hooray!

I also had a sad dream. I dreamed that Pa and I were going to a dinner party at Aunt Tina's (which is weird, because she isn't the type to host dinner parties, at all). But it wasn't at her house (which is now Granny's house), it was at someplace that looked like an old person's house. We were sitting around chatting and then it was time for dinner, so I went into the dining room, but Pa stayed behind. I came back to ask him why he wasn't having dinner, but then I realized that I was the only one who could see him or talk to him. Nobody else knew he was there, because he was dead in my dream too. I woke up and cried, because the dream reminded me of how much I miss Pa. Sometimes I still expect to see him at Granny's, which is ridiculous, because he's been gone for almost seven years.

Last night, I watched Infamous, so I dreamed about Truman Capote and Perry Smith. Unpleasant. But I'm totally obsessed with In Cold Blood now, so I'm sure I'll have a few more of those dreams.

drink with me to days gone by

I meant to note that I went to the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear the day after my last post, and it was totally awesome. There were so many people (I heard one count of 265,000), more people than I've ever seen in one place. And so many funny signs. And Jack McCoy! It was great. And we didn't have major problems getting there or back. Fabulous.

In the month and a half since then, I've been busy doing not much. I took my Corporations final this morning, but I don't want to talk about it because it was really unpleasant. I almost threw up when I saw the questions. I've still got Communications left (by Wednesday afternoon) and I would definitely like to be better prepared for that. WHY DIDN'T I DO MORE READING FOR CLASS??

I meant to start studying this afternoon, but I was too drained to do so. Studying sucks a bag of dicks (thanks, Sweet Dee). So instead of studying, I piddled around on the tubes at school for a bit (after lunch/drinks at Chili's and dessert at SB). Then I came home and did more piddling.

And I watched Hairspray. Again. God, I love Corny Collins. And Seaweed. I love the dresses the girls wear so much. I sometimes/often wish people still dressed like that. I don't want the rest of the stuff that goes along with that time period, just the clothes. And possibly the status and prestige afforded to air travel.

That got me thinking about musicals, so I listened and sang along to the Wicked soundtrack. Then I moved all of my clothes off my piano and played every song in the Wicked book except for "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished" because I don't like that one. And then I played my favorites out of Les Miserables.

I think playing piano for me is what riding a bike is for most people (regarding the "It's just like riding a bike" saying. I cannot ride a bike for shit, regardless of how long it's been since I rode; it's seriously day-to-day). But I haven't played piano since August? And I went back no problem. I mean, the songs weren't perfect, since I hadn't practiced them in ages, but I wasn't rusty. I guess if I'd rode a bike for 20+ years, it would be different.

Just saw this ridiculous Rod Blagojevich pistachio commercial. Made no sense. Lots of pistachios in a briefcase. My first thought was "THAT'S A LOTTA NUTS!" And my second thought was how very few people get that reference. Sad times.

I really ought to go to bed and get up early to study. But I don't want tooooooo.

Now that I know what tardive dyskinesia is (thanks Mental Health Law!), it makes those Reglan/plaintiffs' lawyers commercials more disturbing. I'd hate to have permanent ticks and spasms.

Another bizarre pistachio commercial! This time with vampires. Lovely.

Can I get up early for breakfast? Cafe Cubano? I HOPE SO, BECAUSE I WANT COFFEE.

Here's to pretty girls who went to our heads
Here's to witty girls who went to our beds
(or, why I should hang out with fictional French revolutionaries more often)