trip to the 'boro

Yesterday (Saturday), I went to visit Kelsey in Statesboro. Kelsey is one of my oldest friends, from pre-K, which is now 23? years ago. Amazing. I'm surprised someone could tolerate me for that long. Anyway, I think it was the first time I've seen her since I was in her wedding over two years ago. That's ridiculous, but I think it's right.

I, of course, was running late. For some reason, I thought it would only take 35 minutes to get to her house from mine. I now know that assumption was incorrect. For future reference, it's more like 45-50, depending on how many slow assholes you get stuck behind.

We had a tasty lunch at El Sombrero. I prefer El Ranchito above all other Mexican restaurants, but this was decent enough. We discussed our displeasure regarding our upcoming 10-year high school reunion. The planners have decided to have it on a river boat cruise in Savannah. And there's going to be a cash bar. So not only do I have to pay for booze, but I will also have to jump overboard and swim to shore if it turns out to be super lame. THERE IS NO ESCAPE ON A BOAT, YOU JERKS. But we're both going to go to see who's gotten fat (my words) and who is "wildly unsuccessful" (hers).

Then we took a trip to the Statesboro mall, which has the unfortunate distinction of being a worse mall than Fashion Square in Cville. This might be the worst mall in the developed world. I bet there are better places to shop in African shantytowns. Here's the directory, to give you a better idea of what a shithole this mall [sic] is. (First clue: There's a Bi-Lo attached.) Miraculously, Kelsey was able to find what she was looking for at Penney's.

We swung by Starbucks and a pumpkin patch and then went back to her house, where husband Grant was watching sad events transpire in the world of ACC football. I met her pretty but aloof cat and we switched back and forth between football and Halloween Cake Wars on the Food Network.

I love Kelsey, and I'm glad she married Grant. And I hope they have babies soon, even though it may make me feel like a failure at life. But I think they're a great couple and I hope they move back to the 'Ham before I leave. Because Statesboro fucking sucks.